We got here five days ago. Almond trees and poppies bloomed everywhere. People lined the streets. They sang Hosana, and laid palm fronds at his feet, like he was some kind of conqueror. They were all hoping to catch a glimpse of the man I knew as Rabbi. I had spent the better part of the last three years with him, learning, listening, and witnessing the miraculous. He was a powerful speaker. People gravitated toward him. I remember one woman just wanted to touch his cloak as we passed. She believed she would receive healing by that alone. What’s more incredible is she was. I couldn’t understand it at the time.
We traveled all around the region calling the people to repent and return to God. Many did exactly that. I watched him cast out demons. I watched him calm raging seas. The truth is, the more I saw, the more terrified I became. The more I believed he was a danger to all of us. His effect on the people was incredible. It was a mob everywhere we went. That’s really when I began to consider the impact this man could have on our city.
Caiaphus brought up some things that I had to consider. While what I had seen the rabbi do was incredible, it didn’t make him God. Recently we ran into trouble as he was teaching on the sabbath and healed a crippled man. It was the sabbath after all. Some things just need to remain sacred. There was also the money to consider.
Some of the things he’s been telling the twelve of us just are too far out there for me to believe. As we walked to dinner tonight he tried to tell us he would be leaving us, but he would send some spirit to take his place. The more I think about it the less I want his help, let alone his helper.
Then at dinner he flat out told us that someone in the group was going to betray him. I don’t know who tipped him off, but someone must have. Strange that he wouldn’t try to stop what was happening. He simply told me to go and do what I had to do.
I knew they’d be in Gethsemane. It was one of his favorite spots to pray. I could see the resignation in his eyes as I approached. He wasn’t surprised, just disappointed. I almost couldn’t go through with it when I saw him.
Peter lost his mind, of course. The fool cut off Malchus’ ear! Like he was going to stop a contingent of soldiers by himself. He has no sense. All bluster and bravado. At least Jesus had the sense to go quietly. Had he resisted we all could have ended up dead. It was as if he chose to take the punishment himself rather than let the rest of us suffer.
Even though he knew what I was there for, he still opened his arms to me and welcomed my kiss. I watched as he was led away. Death is all that awaits him now. I knew that the moment I agreed to take Caiaphus’s silver. Blood money buys nothing else. Now I can’t even look at the bag that holds it. All I can see is the innocence I condemned with my kiss. What have I done?